Sunday, June 20, 2010

Is It Worth Your While?

This post is dedicated to one of my best buddies, Hansel.

I know every single thing that you are feeling now because I was once in your position. I had almost the same 'relationship' thing that you are going through now. When this thing first started, I see that maybe it could work out. That maybe you guys are for each other. Then you saw what I did with "you know who" so you thought of giving it a try, take a leap of faith and try. It is heartbreaking to see this, that unfortunately you didn't get an answer from her until today. Yes, the leap of faith that I took paid off but it only caused me more harm than good. I suffered more than I was happy. This kind of relationship will always leave you in the limbo, feeling insecure. I've been hanging out with you almost everyday. You've seen how my relationship go up and down, tumble and crumbled. And I have seen what you did for her. Everyone could see it. I am pretty sure she could see it but just don't know how to appreciate it. She is not a bad person but somehow people get the impression that she's using you. These days, all I see is her talking about her assignments to you. Thats all. Whenever she sees you, she's telling you that the assignment you do for her is wrong, need to change this and that. She said don't want to rely on you, you said you promised her already. But everytime when she say you did a mistake on her assignment, did she ever say "nevermind, I'll do it"? She did not. Not even once. To me, helping someone do assignment is a stupid thing. You should let her learn and grow. If you help her, its ok. At least she learn something but you help her do it completely. We have even sit in their class. She was just sleeping while you did everything for her. As a junior, don't you feel them as seniors should feel ashamed to ask us, the juniors for help on their assignment? For god's sake, we have yet to take that subject also. Not just her, any seniors who ask junior to help them do their assignments ought to be ashamed of themselves.

Hansel Khoo, do you realize what your life has become? Everyday you go college in the morning, you wait for her before you go in to class. If she's there, you talk to her but end up feeling emo. If she's not there, you either end up feeling emo also or you hope to see her later after class. Ok, finish class, you go canteen and hope to see her. Sometimes you get to, sometimes you don't. You used to eat with her. We used to. Now, no more. Sometimes she see you also she don't even realize you're there. On Thursday, it was the worst! The moment she got out of her class, you rush to her and sat down. The first thing I saw she took out was her assignment. Hansel, think! Has it come to this point where you and her conversation is only about HER assignment? You get hurt each time she talks about 'him'. There's no guarantee that you guys will last because it seems and looks like a one way thing. You are the one rushing here and there for her but she rush for 'him' no matter how bad he treats her. Yes, she told you that people around her ask her to get rid of 'him'. Whats the point in telling you that if she's not going to do it? Its like giving you false hope. No, it is giving you false hope. You get so happy that maybe, MAYBE...there's a chance for you to be with her. Then you wait, wait and WAiT but it never happens. I'm sure you don't want to be the bad guy also. You wouldn't want people to say you are the reason for whatever she did. Its time to let go...

If you guys are meant to be, then it will happen. If not, no choice. Maybe it might work in the future but definitely not now. I don't see it happening. I've been down that road and I got hurt REALLY BAD. As a friend, I don't want you to feel that, to go down that road. I don't want you to give up on love, to feel that there's nothing left in this world thats worth fighting for. You world will crumble if you continue on. You will end up being bitter and angry at everything just like I was for the past 3weeks.

Just let go. You have me, Keisha, Wei Loon, Annie and Anne with you. What are you afraid of? I know letting go is hard and its different to have us around you than 'her'. Maybe if you just leave it be and lay low, things will happen? But I am sure its not her...

Joseph - Its TiME...


Post a Comment