Monday, September 21, 2009

Kumar Oh Qumar...

Just now got 1 child ask the daddy, 'daddy, daddy, that one boy or girl? I said, 'Boy...don't worry, I got both. Mommy & Daddy. You can take also, chocolate strawberry, ok? Pokey!

Ok, I got 1 question. Why is it you can only see my silhoutte? You all not enough light ar? Hoi! Who's the lightning man? Ni Niama Hoi!

Indian girls when you do, on the radio. They very noisy. U go in only, they 'Aiyo! Appa Amma!' What happened??? 'I'm enjoying. Ooh, so noisy you!

Malay girls abit slow, you must beat. Once you go in, you must say 'Ambil kau! Dah bang! Dah ambil'

Some chinese girls, you go in only they like static. The guy might as well go help himself in the mortuary...

Indian girls you don't beat. They very violent. You beat them, they beat you back, kick you take parang chop you make you into curry...

Malay must beat la, ya?

Chinese girls don't beat la, you beat everywhere dislocated!

Angmoh girls you don't have to beat. They beat themselves. 'Yeah, deeper, ride me like a horse!'

And then when you do with indian men, make sure you use glow in the dark. Otherwise once off the light, 'anneh anneh, where are you?' Actually its there...

Then some chinese men, when they are small, you don't laugh at them. Break their ego. Just cut the condom into half.

And malays cannot use. Its against their religion. Just use pandan leaves.

And fashion these days I tell you...
Fat girls please don't wear 2 piece. That's why the world got no world peace. I saw 1 fat girl, she can wear hipster! Where she find her hips I want to know. Can wear white halter-neck. From a distance look like double chin. Then can tattoo Dragon. That was when she was thin, now fat like Earthworm.

I was in CKTen the other day shopping. This UGLY girl came in stress the counter girl. She ask what color suits her. The counter girl said 'Any color la.' If I counter girl, CEMENT your face! Ugly you know. Like keropok not yet fried...

Australians are SO nice. I was at the custom office. They serve with a smile. You go Singapore, you smile at them. They ask you "You smile for what? You tell me now you smile for what? you think I cop and give you 6months ar? 2months la, go in la"

You go into a restaurant in Australia, "Good afternoon Sir, please take a seat, I'll be right back with you in a minute." Singapore? You walk into the restaurant, the waiter stare at you. Then you ask "Where's the menu?" Oh ya, I'm supposed to serve you hor?
Then the food come, no fork and spoon. You ask the waiter, "Where's the cutlery? Huh? No, where's the fork and spoon? YOU MEAN THEY CHANGED THE NAME AR???"

You walk into a Louis Vuitton, Prada, Gucci store. The sales girl look at you first. Look down on people. One day I angry, I buy 5000 dollar bag, I go to the bank change 10 cent coins come back YOU COUNT! Irritate right?


Everytime the fire work go up, I cry! Not because I patriotic. Because thats my income tax...

Nowdays, everywhere got 'water water' problem. I say 'water water' problem la, cannot say the real name. Anyways, Singapore don't have 'water water' problem because the government signed contract with God. Why got 'water water' problem? Because you all war here, war there. How many you kill? 100? 200?
Let me show you what I can do! Voom-boom-FINISHED!

Actually Singapore should have la, not all Singaporeans. Just the 'water' go in today's parliment and take them away. Then I become President. Then you see all the schools and office, the President and First Lady's picture, it's me la! Before and after drag...

Don't watch Japanese one. What the fellow use? Wasabi ah? The girl halfway can stand up and laugh. What is this? Comedy?

You watch Malay one before? Eh, got! The guy say 'Eh yang, I nak la'-'Abang giler ke? Esok kerja.' Then take the top off then blackout, don't know what happened.

Indian one you can only see shadow...

Angmoh, aiyo I tell you...they can turn your body here, turn there. Put your leg here, put there. Then tomorrow koyok here, koyok there, bedridden. Angmoh they can lick your ear until saliva cover all cannot hear anything. You ask local to lick you ear see. They will ask you "You WASH or not???"

There used to be saying, 'If you give a girl to an American, he will rape the bitch.' 'If you a girl to an African, he will rape her and come back and eat her.' 'If you give a girl to a Singaporean, he will sit at the side and wait for further instruction.'

Joseph - OUT!


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