Friday, July 23, 2010

Dwelling On The Past

Is it so hard to find love? I went through 6 relationships. Only 1 was memorable. There was another that I thought would be memorable but it turned out to be bunch of lies. It seems love won't come around for me. People say wait for the right time. I'm STiLL WAiTiNG. Some told me ''no love won't die''. Its not the matter of dying or not, its the matter of lonely, the emptiness in my heart that needs to be filled. Till this point, I have fallen in and out of love. When I fall in love, I give it my all. The benefactor? My lovers. But when everything comes crashing down, I get hurt the most for giving my all. The are a few who comes around and tell me the have feelings and all but not ready to commit. Here's a tip: Don't say these things if you're not ready, its just a bunch of bullshit!

The 1 memorable relationship I had was with Jason. Too bad it all went down to the drain because he decided to go for his ex. This relationship is really the greatest for me. Although it was brief but the amount of love that I felt at that time, the amount of attention, the amount of laughters and tears we shared. The calls and smses, the lunch and dinner we had together, working just next door to each other. Our blog, the one we created. It was full of posts and videos dedicated to each other. I still remember him getting jealous over small matters, haha. So cute. The most memorable part, we ALWAYS tease each other, make each other angry then persuade back. Sending each other MMS of our latest picture while apart. So damn free, right? Nothing to do...haha. With him, everyone knows about us because we have alot of mutual friend. Parting with him was the saddest thing to deal with. I cried and cried and cried. Listened to our song, the songs he introduced to me. The song that we went through was JS' Officially Missing You ^^ Pictures we took. ''Pictures of U, pictures of ME ^^ He was one boyfriend that I took the most pictures with cause we are both major cam-whore! I guess now, I could keep trying but things will never change. He's moved on, I've moved on too (don't misunderstand this post). I just miss the times with him. And he's in KL now. While we were still together, I went to KL to find him. I enjoyed and cherish the moments and times I had with him in KL. Ironic part was, we parted right after I got back from KL. Jason Hong, know this that you'll always be my greatest love (although it sounds corny). You are one of those special people in my heart.

After the times I spent mending my broken heart from the break from Jason, Kelven came along. He treated me really good at the beginning. I thought he's the one (I thought Jason was also larh...) He takes me around. We go for dinner every alternate days. Meet very frequently, very sweet to each other. All it took was one week and he went back to his old-self, a compulsive liar. Lying just about everything. From his illness that he's got low blood pressure (LBP) that will cause him to faint at any times to clubbing. He lied and say he fainted (which he claims he really did) but my friend bumped into him in Mois. My best friends will recognize my boyfriends because I've always been proud of my boyfriends, my friends knows that. But I was wrong with this guy. Later on, he dissappear for 5days. I went to find him at his house, he got his maid to tell me he's in Taiping. His car was right infront...and the maid went inside the house and came out 15mins later, how can the maid not know if he's at home or not if its true? I'm no fool. I went to his work place the next day cuz I know thats one place he can't avoid me. Confronted him and he admitted that he was indeed in his room. He lied. Telling me he couldn't face me and stuffs. Wokayyy, whatever you say. Here comes the big bang. He went to Singapore, called me everyday while he was there. Told me going Hatyai on the day he comes back to Malaysia. The day he's supposed to be in Hatyai? I bumped into him at Sea Winds, Tanjung Bungah with none other than his ex. We broke up already that time but he still had to lie. He would call when he feels like it. When I call, he won't pick up. What is with all this need to lie? Prior to that, he had an accident just around my housing area, he called me and ask me to find him. Went there, told me ''I really DO love you, I don't know why I quit this relationship''. Well, what can I say? What do I have to say? I was speechless cuz he said it all. Everything is all based on his words. And now? There's no news from him. The song that I went through with him was Hero by Enrique Iglesias. I started a blog for him too. This is my thing, I blog about my boyfriends in a private blog that is shared between us only. Call it modern day love letters.

And now, my song, my own solo journey song...Simple Plan's Welcome To My Life :)
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