Sunday, August 22, 2010


I can't tell you what it really is. I can only tell you what it feels like and right now there's an empty void in my heart. I am living but I feel like a shell, a vessel. The wrong feels right. As the day goes by, I suffer even more. The feeling of drowning in myself...Here we go again, when things are going good, it had to end in a jiffy. I guess I don't know my own strength...

Have you ever want to be love so much that you keep going round searching for it but found nothing? Only found disappointed, despair and suffocation? Hoping for that warm fuzzy feeling but end up alone in the cold and dark night. Just like a broken record playing over and over again, I'm seeing myself drowning and dying slowly...with that, I'm watching myself burn from within. Not that I like the way it hurts but I can't help it.

If I can, I'm willing to run and run and run away from this shadow and darkness that I cloaked myself in. Things were right in my path, in my grasp. I held on to it but it didn't last for as long as I hoped for. I don't know where I'm heading. I was willing to go wherever it takes me but now...I'm doubtful, I'm a skeptic. I've had too much mess and destruction to come back to be myself again. They say time heals everything but I'm still waiting. I am really through with doubts. I've got nothing else to figure out. What is the price for love? I'll pay it and keep paying it!

What goes through my mind lately? All the picture perfect memories that are now scattered all around the floor. Reaching for the phone but there's no one for me to call or text. I will never be anything that I'm not so PLEASE don't let me fall...gimme a break, a little escape. I am so tired of being me. Even though I'm happy being me, I want to get away from all this harsh reality. I want to be free, I want to be someone new and different, anything I'm not.

I need someone take off a little weight or I'll fall through...I need another story, another chapter. Something to help me get off my mind. My life is kinda boring. I may seem strong and big, that doesn't mean I AM. I have no secrets to give away. Everything I am, I've give away. Now there's nothing to give. I'm sick of all the insincere. I don't need another perfect lie this time. Just don't let me disappear.

At this moment, I'm lying on the floor. I think took too much. I thought it would be fun but there's a shortage in the switch with the life support. I want to get out of here where I can RUN just as fast as I can, to the middle of nowhere. To the middle of my FRUSTRATED fear. Love is like a pill. It either makes you better or makes you ill. Knowing too much can get you hurt. In time, it will consume you and you will fade into the blackness.

I could really use a genie, a dream or a wish to go back to something much simpler than now. Somebody take me back to the days where I had no worries, where I was still an innocent child, where I don't know what love is. Can I get a wish to end all this? What would you wish for if you have one wish? Will wishing upon shooting stars work? I find myself racing the earth, against the impossible...where do I belong? To who do I belong? Soaked in bitterness and anger. I wanna run...away from all this.


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